How to Connect with your True Desires

What do you really want?

There are so many messages floating around about what it means to be a good person, or to be ‘likeable’ or ‘respectable’. And we’re hardwired to care [a lot] about what people think about us; for us mammals, acceptance = survival.

But, in our concern for meeting the expectations of others, it’s easy to lose track of our own desires. We can get so caught up in ‘being a good ____’ or ‘doing ____ right’ that we don’t even know what we truly want anymore.

I’ve spent years repairing my relationship with my needs & desires. And here’s how I did it:

  • Free Yo’self • For me, being single was a huge catalyst for this healing. But, more importantly, I had to end or amend any relationship in which I didn’t feel completely free to be myself. Now, when I form new relationships, I prioritize intellectual & emotional freedom

  • Live Like Nobody Is Watching • When I started this journey, I realized that I had no idea how to spend my time when I wasn’t trying to please the people around me. So I had to ask myself often, “If you don’t consider anyone’s needs but your own, what would you want right now?”

  • Stop Judging • As I began to connect with my own needs & desires, I realized that I didn’t like some of them. Even after ending & amending my relationships, I hadn’t escaped those voices about being ‘good’ & ‘likeable’ & ‘respectable’ — they were in my head now. So I had to give myself permission to want whatever I want, to be however I am, and to accept myself no matter what

  • Give (& Ask) Thoughtfully • I no longer give when I don’t truly want to. And, when I do want to, I give freely. I’m not afraid to ask for what I want because I know that the other person is responsible for their own desires & behavior. And I’m not butthurt if they say “no” — in fact, I respect their ability to know their feelings and own them. Cementing these basic boundaries in my mind has made all my relationships better (especially my relationship with my Self)